quiet week

Although there have been postings, the most activity was yesterday to submit, the bottom line is, it's right before the holiday weekend so castings will slow down. At least this is what I am telling myself as this happened the last time right around Memorial Day. Can't believe it's already hitting on the Fourth of July weekend and I have no inclination to do anything special. Just can't muster the strength to go or do anything. Just want to rest under the covers with my dogs and have the television cable ready along with a tall glass of ice and soda. I don't even feel like eating to be honest, although I did break down yesterday and went to the supermarket to pick up some odds and ends. Food is just not that interesting to me lately yet I can't seem to lose any weight.

Did manage to water the container garden. The only thing showing right now is the basil. Sigh. Well, at least it's something.

Continue to look for work and also office work, got some leads. We'll see how it goes. Have to be ruthless about what I want as no one seems to be handing out anything to me, gotta earn it my self. As usual.

post post post

I know it's been awhile, but the background gigs have been few and far between, mostly because I've been focusing more on the day job. Had to buy a new computer as the old one went on the fritz so saving money for that as well as for that goal of going union became the priorities.

So I had to dip into the funds and research the new computer. I'm currently on a diet, and have lost some weight, the healthy way, by reducing snacks, eating more fruits and veggies, and drinking plenty of water and tea. Working with small weights to tone and strengthen the arms too. This has helped and I don't feel so deprived. I have made peace that nothing was going to happen quick, especially weight loss results if I was serious about keeping the weight off.

So in some ways I continue my background career, looking for those gigs that land on weekends. I'm also submitting for commercials and print work, and re-started my Backstage subscription. We'll see how things go. I continue to keep it moving, never wavering from my goal -- to become a professional, paid good actress.

February 1st

Got an email from a fellow BG'er asking how I was and what I was up to. So much had changed. I had passed the three month trial run at the office gig and was full time. I had health insurance. I was getting regular checks...when I was keeping an eye on them.

The biggest issue was dealing with the personalities that were content on rotting there and infecting anyone new with their attitude problems. There was a lot of laziness and lethargy. A lot of don't give a damns and clients are crazy not us, type of thing. I was learning that keeping my mouth shut and letting them run their mouths was enough evidence.

So far the only complaint was I stepped away from my desk one too many times in order to help people out. This could be getting some water for a client, checking on whether something was done for another employee or client, anything job related, it didn't matter.

Yet, I wasn't hitting the pavement as much as I used to, since my hours were now dedicated to sitting in an office dealing with people. Although I still submitted, and had the new PDA to thank for that, I wasn't really holding my breath on getting responses. The few responses I got were repeat offenders that I dealt with last year who never answered or seemed shady last year.

So instead of panicking or hyperventilating as to how'm I paying the rent this month, I merely keep it moving, and next month, start the work on joining union.

Today I got what I think is the rest of my W-2's, and in another week or so, I am going to do my taxes and get it over with.

Back to the BGer. I filled them in briefly on what I've been doing. The voiceover site I had a complimentary membership at didn't really prove to me that they had an abundance of voiceover work, and I had a long way to go in regards to submitting for anything at this point. The site could not justify paying $200 a year. I just couldn't see it. I had it for two months, and I submitted to about ten jobs. I was selective too, just as the bullshit it claimed to say, that the more you submit, the less success and job leads one would get.

So...followed the rules, and got only one feedback, that my voice wasn't right for their particular project. Otherwise, the pricings were way low and not very promising. I have to go union. This is ridiculous.

What is new for 2010?

Currently working a day job -- and finding myself getting sucked into the 'drama' of surly, unhappy, defensive people who seem to find my cheeriness and happy go lucky self grating to their day. I remain unfazed, appreciative on having health insurance and a regular check and continue to be the picture of calmness and laughter, chuckling over the stupidity and sadness of the pathetic pencil pushers who whine to justify their paycheck. Didn't bother to get into tiffs with anybody, because I don't intend to make this place a home for the rest of my life. I cannot imagine staying in day in day out, year after year, with a bunch of unhappy souls. Have a life and have better things to focus on.

A new opportunity fell into my lap for voiceover and background work, put in for it and am awaiting callbacks. I'm really excited. In the meantime, another opportunity for a nicer environ and possibly better pay and promotion, has been swirling around me. I have put in for more information, and continue to look for the best. I'm not going to overthink things, but remain flexible and go with the flow. Already met with the head cheese and was advised later that they were certainly impressed and want me to meet with the rest of the crew.

So things are starting to move quickly. I see this as a way to get one step closer to joining union, as I have yet to save any real money towards membership. But I'm determined for it to happen this year.

Other things I'm looking at: online education for writing classes, acting classes. And travel. In no particular order. I'm already looking at flights to do a simple quick weekend in Canada. It's not that far away and I can hang with friends there so it's all good. Then the next trip for California and then Mexico. Gotta get things moving.

yay got check today

Got my check for a voiceover gig I did last month. Feeling awesome!

Will deposit tomorrow. It's a great pre-holiday gift and a reminder towards what I plan for next year. Feeling awesome!

Got a reminder from a voiceover company to check out going 'premium' but the jobs so far that I see aren't that very impressive or numerous. Should I really be throwing my money away on this one?

Letter to Whitney

I watched the Oprah two parter with her interviewing Whitney.

It merely confirmed what I already suspected. You don't need to live with someone in their home to know certain things ring true.

She obviously still loves her ex-or soon to be ex husband.

She still wants others to tell her what to do.

She exchanges one addiction for another. Whether it's someone else having control over her, or getting off the drugs and....she mentioned that she 'never drank' but she's picking up a 'glass' here and there. Hmmmm...

She will not own her addictions. She still has not yet even acknowledged that she LIED in that infamous interview that she did not "do crack". Yet she plays semantics with saying "cocaine crack". The crack part rushed out of one side of her mouth. Ummmm. Ok. Crack is crack baby, and you SMOKED it with weed, which explains...the most apparent devastation. But I'll get to that in a minute.

She did not apologize to her mom, her fans, to Oprah or Clive. She has stopped short of saying this, but she essentially said fuck you to her fans and the music industry and to Clive and went to go be married while rumors of her being gay were swirling madly. She has yet to even address Robin and whether or not she was involved with her or not. If you are going to set the record straight, Whitney, then SET THE RECORD STRAIGHT. Be an open book. Shit or get off the pot.

Back to the crack cocaine and weed devastation. Most apparent? Her voice. She said fuck you to her voice, the 'gift that God gave her' by all the cocaine/crack/weed smoking she did. That explains the surgeries and voice doctors that were trying to clean her up. It's why she sounds like she has a nasty cold when she talks and her singing sounds rough and choppy. She said fuck you to God. She turned her back because she was so angry, I guess. I would be too if I had to give up what I wanted for "appearances". I recall her ex saying something that Whitney seemed to see herself a certain way and didn't understand that music is a business. I have to find the exact quote but it was very telling and intelligent and dead on.

There was a lot of money at stake for Ms. Whitney. Whether the ex was a convenient foil, I'm sure he got his money's worth too. Maybe he really did love her, maybe he was just tired of being her paid beard or the snickers from the females and gay crowd who believed they knew better, I don't know. It sounds like a lot of denial went on in that house of hers and they were both hurt, angry and tired...and not getting any younger. Time was passing and their child was growing up and seeing way too much for years. I'm sure the anger sex was dynamite. At least we know they had one encounter, because they have a child. The ex has said this was to shut everybody up. I don't know. A lot of lesbians can get pregnant and carry a child and give birth too. It doesn't change anything Whitney.

I agreed with Wendy W. talking on her show about Whitney not owning her addiction to drugs. I don't always agree with Wendy but I was wondering the same thing and everyone was too busy to prop tired ol' Whitney up to say anything that might be perceived as negative. I mean, come on, Clive in the audience? What was the old creaky man going to do, catch her if she fell off the stage due to a dizzy spell on methadone? Give me a break.

Whitney's got a longggg way to go as far as recovery. And I think she's doing this just to say thank you but not necessarily to get a career up and running again. Those days are over. Even if you say to us, "oh, I'm going to be here a long time and keep making music because it's what I love to do and I want to show that I mean business on getting healthy and making money," or whatever, the bottom line is, you are done. Your voice is permanently destroyed. You are done. The doctors and Clive did the best they can. But you are done. Get better for yourself and your child, not for your fans or Oprah. Thank you for letting us know you are working on that but just go honey, and your fans are going to just have to be fans from afar and get a life of their own.

And don't tell me, Oh, we can relate to Whitney because we've had troubles/drug problems/spit on me shit happen. You and Whitney will never relate because you have never made her money, had her career or had her life. You don't know and you will never know so therefore, if seeing her drugged up or abused makes you feel somewhat comforted that you have something in common, YOU need to get yourself committed to the funny farm and fast. I am so done with this Jerry Springer era bullshit of where we laugh or are comforted in knowing people are 'worse off' than us.

And Oprah you chicken-shit, you didn't really push the tough questions on Whitney. Shame on you. But I know that Whitney wouldn't have come on if you were going to, and so...you all sit up and pray and just hope for the best. You did this as a favor to her and Clive and you are not fooling anybody. You know Whitney is basically a dead man walking. She doesn't have much time left on this planet.

What really scares me is her daughter is talking of a music career. Well, that and how Whitney's mom had to tell Whitney that enough was fucking enough. What if her mom was dead? Then what? Would she have stood up and walked out if not for herself then for her kid then? Don't think so. And that's sad. It makes me also aware of how repetitious the cycle of tragedy is. This girl comes from not one but BOTH PARENTS that are addicts. And she talks of how she is 'friends' or 'best friends' with Whitney and she's not even 18. You are not best friends with your mother. She is not your equal. That's how much growing up this child had to do -- how much living she had to do away from her mother because her mother was too busy trying to conform to everybody's notion of what her life and happiness should be.

If Whitney ever decides to come out, it would definitely explain all of this nightmare. Because a lot of people, when they fight against who they are because they are afraid of not being accepted (or losing money or a career out of the process) and they happen to come from a religious background, it's just a sad losing battle that either takes your mind, your heart, your soul or your body. Or some other innocent like your child in the process. You end up dead in a tragic way.

So heed the signs, Whitney. God will love you no matter what you are or who you love. And once you understand that, you can let go of your fear of others' preconceptions, and open up dialogue for others who are still struggling with their fears holding them back. You could be an inspiration on another level -- if you wanted to. Or you can simply take care of the few years left your child will need you -- then what?

I understand bills need to be paid, but this is what got you into your mess in the first place. I wonder how many of these "oh I love Whitney" fans would drop you in a hot second if they REALLY knew who you are -- and not that sweet commercial prepackaging that Clive put you in?

Take care anyways,

signed a Realist

Change in Actor Status -- one step closer, madam

Cramps. AUGH.

Got news yesterday. I am AFTRA must-join. WOW!

I can't believe this incredible thing. But if AFTRA tells me, it must be true.

It explains the silence from Central. They have not been forthcoming with information.

Now to figure out how I can work. If not, then office work here I come. On Monday I must contact two agencies and see who will get me work. I would look over Craigslist but it's been disappointing with a lot of schemes to get you to take in money or conduct financial affairs here -- all through your personal bank account. No f-kin way.

In any case, I continue to look. I've given my resume to a few people who know of some who work in HR. I've applied direct to several companies and still silence. Don't know what's going on.

They're showing The Other Boleyn Girl again. It's pretty looking at that time period but of course from a cool distance.

Must figure out my next move. It's coming, good stuff, good times, I can feel it. *smile*

I actually feel hopeful and positive.

update on reshoot

It was canned. Although I was number 12, I was advised that they were apparently trimming the number down. To what, only 3 extras? If it's a typical subway car, then it's going to be at least halfway full. I hid my disappointment and thanked the casting person anyway for contacting me.

At least I have another gig to look forward to. Being a studio audience participant. That should be fun-sies. I would've been even more disappointed if I had nothing lined up for tomorrow.

I'm just concerned about lining up gigs and generating money. Guess I'll do a quick scour of the castings before calling it a night.

Freebies

Lately I've been seeing a ton of free gigs (read: non-paying) and that one will get a copy of the film and get fed, whatever that means (could be chips and water, sandwiches, snacks, or a real hot meal).

Non-union does not mean free. I'm seeing these postings on paid sites -- sites that I pay a monthly fee in order to have the privilege of accessing and submitting electronically for gigs. Why the f-c-k would I submit on a paid site to a non-paying gig that 99.9 percent of the time will lead NOwhere nor build up my resume anyway?

I'm wondering if I should advise these paid sites that wasting my membership fee by having to scroll down the growing longer every week list of freebie gigs is not adding up to making this monthly payment a viable investment. Nonpaying gigs do not pay my rent either, buddy.

Some of the ads are mildly defensive. I recall one saying that no one else is getting paid and that included the production crew, which I found completely hard to believe. Who the h-e-ll works for free unless they are getting something out of it? Then another ad memorably read something along the lines they are looking for Artists, not people looking to make a dollar. Um, hello? You think the landlord will appreciate my artistry when I explain I can't pay the rent? Um, sure, yeah, right.

It IS a business, and just as the writer, producer and director are dreaming for it to lead to bigger better things for themselves, why can't I dream and pursue the same? Idiots.

Speaking of freebies, here's the latest insult coming from an office that specializes in dealing with only extras -- why they would forward this to me I have no idea but apparently whoever sent it was high on crack. This link is for people who just want to have fun but not necessarily get paid. But hey, you never know. You just might be in the right place at the right time and....presto! You could be a star!

http://www.beinamovie.com/

looking for work

Lately there have been three and four day gigs being listed for projects, both television and film, and I've been dutifully reporting in saying that I'm available for all the dates. There are multiple dates coming in for work to do simple things like promotions work, and again, I've dutifully put in for these as well. I'm trying to get gigs lined up between now and September. I've also checked out office gigs and so far I've heard nothing. I'm not sure what's going on but the fake ads from employment agencies seem to be jumping once again.

work work work

I'm on standby for one movie and put in my availability for two things this week along with my availability for Monday. This is going to be an interesting and busy week. Heard that some people are also waiting. I've put in a reminder to ask about status, so hopefully things will come up roses.

The weather has improved, so I'm looking for more than one gig to get done this week in order to justify my existence.

Funny news: I had been checking out office jobs, and the ad did not state how to send my resume, so I asked for clarification, then got a email response back which totally violated every single rule that one is to ask a prospective employee: their age, their marital status, how many children they have, and what their current and future education plans are.

So I wrote back I'm over 21 and have the federal I.D. to prove I can work in the U.S. -- and how was my marital status and how many children relevant to doing the actual job? I showed my cousin and was advised that I most likely will not get a response back. It's too bad in this day and age that an employer feels that they have a right to ask such questions.

got a gig for tonite!

Awesome -- and getting ready for it. As I type this, I've already bathed, shampooed, shaved, plucked and gotten dressed. I've picked out my two outfits to bring (wear one bring one were the instructions for 'casual' and 'business casual'). I have no idea what else to wear, so I pulled out a simple grey business skirt with my 'french' black long sleeved top and will wear a short grey jacket and black flats to complement it for a 'business casual' look. It's a 'spring into summer' look, but if it's situated in NYC, then black and grey are still the standard.

I also threw in a pair of my favorite jeans, a light top (not white, but has a delicate print) along with the black flats and that's it for the 'casual look'.

We film later on tonight -- I wonder if it'll go into morning. I have to check what I replied to, as I was told I was found on a casting site and they 'checked me out' there, supposedly. I vaguely recall submitting for the project, but had no idea that an agency was the one that apparently placed the ad. I had half a mind to cancel, but I had nothing going on at the moment, and I figure I'll just observe and see what happens this time around. I had heard some not so nice things about this agency, so I know I'm taking a huge chance doing this.

Meanwhile, I'm still hunting for a full time job so I can pay my bills and get out of the living situation I am in. It's time for a change. I am wondering if a roommate situation is the way to go, but we'll see. Until my financial situation stabilizes, I can't go anywhere.

Beautiful day

Slept in today but still had time to enjoy the weather. Took dog to the vet and am now $200.00 poorer but she's up to date with her shots and was given a clean bill of health. She's getting older so her joints are starting to bother her a bit, but other than that, she's healthy and I'm delighted.

After the visit, the dog and I took a walk for a few blocks to enjoy the weather. Once I got home, I cleaned her up and then went to get some lunch while my aunt stayed with the dog.

No gigs today but I'm grateful since yesterday seemed to have taken a bit out of me. I slept soundly so that was nice. I'm looking to get a gig set up for tomorrow and Friday/Saturday. Feeling good.

UPDATE: have a go-see tomorrow. Let's see how I feel tomorrow.