Starting the rounds again

Have taken some active steps in the way to get back into what I was doing before I interrupted my real life for an office job. The job took over a year out of my life, and again it was the disappointment it was meant to be. Politics and bullshit. But I digress.

I started going to the gym. Three times a week, two classes a day for the first two months. My body started to change before my eyes. My body got leaner, lighter, and my clothes were getting loose on me. It felt great to finally do something for myself. I went with two co-workers, and when they didn't go, I made sure to go, or cut myself a break and not ride myself so hard for skipping a couple of days. As the weather got colder, I cut back to twice a week, one class a piece and be on the train before 6:30 to fight the wind and go home.

Soon, family and friends were noticing the change. I was delighted, still am. I had continued to pay my subscriptions to various online acting submission sites, but had dropped off the radar and only occasionally checked in to fellow actors, sending a greeting to let them know I was alive, give a short report that I was still in an office gig trying to save some acting money and then wished them well.

But I miss the gypsy life. I also miss having a regular check. Something has to give. The current job is messing with my pay, and have explained away any increase to a promotion they supposedly had given me. There is no bonus. Yet I continue to do what they want me to do, and have said very little in protest or against them. Because I had a plan. It was not to stay there forever as I had other things, better things, to do.

I realized that the money simply wasn't happening. I was simply seeing the money go out as soon as it came in. Couldn't save any money -- anything that actually accumulated had to go to some other bill or emergency the next month after that. No matter how much I was saving eating at home, not going to movies, not buying anything for months at a time except for necessary toiletries or shoes for work, living a boring life of simply going to work, going to the gym, and going home. Wasn't going to clubs, or catching Broadway shows. My only vice was buying groceries to cook at home and going to the gym.

And I was barely hanging on. I was poor. This was stupid and ridiculous. Bosses couldn't praise me enough for my office skills and work ethic -- yet they weren't going to reward me financially for it. When the opportunity came to work for an incoming new executive, there were so many strings I realized I was merely a puppet, going where they wanted me to go, doing what they wanted done without attitude, nodding and jerking along as I was tied to them.

Frustrated by the latest b.s. being given me by those I had mistakenly thought weren't people I reported to anymore because of the promotion -- the lightbulb went off when my supposed new boss informed me that he actually reported to them, which means he wasn't protected and neither was I...and that meant that this was all an illusion, a charade, some b.s. to placate the new executive in town who had brought in my boss. This was all deemed a 'favor', which put me in a very vulnerable spot. Because that means that this was all yet another way of pushing the ol' office furniture around (meaning me) and that it was nothing personal, I was a work mule, one of their prized ones, and they would have me pinch hit as they saw fit, for as long as they wanted to, I had actually no say in the matter and should have zero expectations as far as any financial reward or recognition for it.

*taking deep breath* Coming to that realization, that this was all an illusion and simply bullshit, suddenly made my mind clear, and I was able to take a deep breath, step back, and assess. I realized I did not want to work this way anymore, and did not want to be anybody's lapdog, doormat, fool or pinch hitter. There was nothing in it for me except for nodding my head, saying "yes ma'am or sir" and bending over with a smile on my face, eagerly awaiting the next order.

Realization. Enlightenment. Clarity. Calm. Joy. In that order is how it came. It all made sense now. I could move forward without any worry or anxiety.

I was no better off now with getting the money together to go union than I was before. Besides the gym progress (oh, and getting a new computer as well, don't forget that!) there was not much more to say that the year had been overly productive on. I hadn't traveled beyond going locally a few times, and that was through extremely good pricing opportunities.

The headshot looks good and is still viable. I may, however, draw up some new looks and find a new program on-line to show my different looks in order to create a comp card to keep the interest going. Will submit/audition for plays, and look into the theater and commercials angle. I know the commercials and ads is where the money is, along with voice over work. Have to figure something out and now I have the energy and clear head to do so.

Will continue to update here. Watched Frida with Selma Hayek as inspiration. Need to go back to Mexico too. 2011 is the year. Feeling giddy and finally....positive.

post post post

I know it's been awhile, but the background gigs have been few and far between, mostly because I've been focusing more on the day job. Had to buy a new computer as the old one went on the fritz so saving money for that as well as for that goal of going union became the priorities.

So I had to dip into the funds and research the new computer. I'm currently on a diet, and have lost some weight, the healthy way, by reducing snacks, eating more fruits and veggies, and drinking plenty of water and tea. Working with small weights to tone and strengthen the arms too. This has helped and I don't feel so deprived. I have made peace that nothing was going to happen quick, especially weight loss results if I was serious about keeping the weight off.

So in some ways I continue my background career, looking for those gigs that land on weekends. I'm also submitting for commercials and print work, and re-started my Backstage subscription. We'll see how things go. I continue to keep it moving, never wavering from my goal -- to become a professional, paid good actress.

Beginning diet plan and checking out Shakespeare class

This has proved to be a busy, productive weekend, especially towards my acting career.

I am looking at weight plans and looking to see what I could do exercise wise. I walk, briskly, several days a week but for 30 minutes at a time maybe just twice a week, on weekends when I'm running errands and walking the dog.

Tomorrow I'm auditing a class on Shakespeare, to check out the teacher's style and the class atmosphere and learning ethic. It's downtown, so that might be a problem, but we'll see how it goes. I did find it puzzling that they would have a class on Mother's Day, maybe that correlates with artists having mother issues? Dunno....interesting weird thought.

Went shopping and picked out a work outfit in a cheerful bright color, and had to replace some makeup. Bought some books. Paid my phone bill.

Still have not saved enough money for union join. Sigh. Going to look at some lipsticks.

updates on treating acting as a business

Finally decided to get an organizer for my acting career. I had been staring at this book/program from some time after visiting Actor Fest over a year ago. I had signed up for email updates but hadn't had the money or the determination to actually buy this book and see what this person is all about.

I also re-signed with backstage.com to get their listings and submit to those postings listed there. Working a full time job means I have to focus more on actor related things.

Had wanted to check out a fellow BG actor's theater role but this week had gone quick and I wasn't able to get to it. Felt bad, because we're supposed to be supportive of each other's projects. I will not assume anybody can come see my work, as I'd be too shy to have someone who knows me in the audience and know about it, I just might freeze up. Oh well.

In any case, continuing to look at some actor classes as well as writing classes. Have to save money for two different causes, classes and joining union. And lose weight safely. Sheesh, much to do.

out of the blue

Finally got a call. Out of the blue. From an agency that I hadn't heard from in like a year. For BG work on The Good Wife. It would mean getting out of the day job for the day. What was interesting was I had never submitted to it.

Transportation was provided for the ride to set for the established gig, there was a number to call to get information, and I soon found myself on a nice comfy bus riding to Long Island. We shot in a real correctional facility, and the scene was about a woman who was being held in an immigration jail. We went through at least three sets of clanging metal jail bar doors, with officers manning each section with a bunch of keys in their hand as they glanced at us and checked for our in-jail ID that separated us from the population. Those extras who had to wear prison garb were warned not to wander anywhere off-set as they could be mistaken for real prisoners and would be taken away.

I was playing one of the correctional officers, standing behind the star of the show. I refrained from taking any photos on set, just to not annoy anybody. The fact I wore lipstick threw one of the makeup people into a mini uproar, and I quietly and amiably took off the lipstick. The makeup person had brought another over, and they briefly debated over how a correctional officer would look. The second makeup person found it amusing that the first one seemed so huffy about it and said correctional officers had a life outside the building so why not wear lipstick, no big deal. I said nothing. In the end, I went to the bathroom and took it off. After that, though, I heard the crew refer to me as the lipstick girl.

Guess they must've gotten a good laugh over that.

Before we had even gotten into the prison, we had to leave a proper ID card with the security post out front. Luckily I had brought two ID's, my state ID and my US passport. I gave my state ID at the gate and had to leave my passport when I had to go to the Props department to get the fake walkie-talkie, keys and badges to complete the 'look'. The makeup girl told me to make a messy ponitail which I quickly accomplished and she actually loved. I heard one of the crew stating how they seemed to assemble a bunch of people so quickly, and apparently all had the right look for them, and the director said that everyone was very good.

When we went to get our uniforms, and it was fairly quick and easy to pick out my size (lucky I remembered what size I was in men's shirts because I was dressed in a man's uniform!) and had to leave my voucher for that.

The shoot went pretty quickly. The star, Julianna Margulies, was professional, joked with the crew, and went in and out with these really high Frankenstein platform heeled shoes that added inches to her height. In the shoes she was eye level to me. Without, she was about by my neck. What was funny is her profile on IMDB lists her at 5 foot 6. I'm 5 foot 7, so I found that a bit interesting. She looked at me and I nodded slightly then looked away.

That rule about not interacting with the stars unless they address you -- I kept to it. I knew quite a few who couldn't wrap their egos around that and wouldn't hesitate to break that rule almost every chance they got in some convoluted home to be 'remembered' for 'something next time'. And to have something to brag about later with other BGers.

About four to six takes for each angle, and we were done. The guest star was impressed with how quickly the scene was done. About 3 or 4 angles in all, and I was saved for the final set before they announced that non-union was wrapped. I was asked to relax my stance, but it wasn't that easy -- my body wanted to go rigid and be 'on guard' as soon as I was fully in uniform. It is true what they say, the uniform can really make your mind 'go there' and it was easy to act.

They initally were going to hold on to me as I was in full get up still but decided to let me go. Darn! The ride back was relaxing, as I made sure I had room this time on the way home. It was a beautiful day and we were dropped off in midtown by Lexington Avenue. I thanked the driver and quickly found the subway and took the short ride home in a crowded train as we had just hit rush hour.

Overall a pleasant experience. Four hours, not including traffic. Nice weather. A good day.

checked for casting sites

The PDA sure comes in handy. I put in for submissions, and it's easy to do when I'm on the go, or at the day job, bored out of my mind, and not surfing the net at work knowing I'm being monitored (at least that's what the management wants us to believe). I can answer potential gigs via PDA, and it's awesome, it's convenient, it's quick and it's fast.

I was watching t.v. and saw an extra that I knew from prior gigs. I sooo have to save for union. This is ridiculous.

audience member gig

We ended up staying an extra hour or so as part of an audience gig. I never heard so much complaining in my life, with the word "slave" being used in reference to wages. The amount had been mentioned prior, so it was no surprise to anyone, along with the hours. We all knew this was not a simple two or four hour gig. We all agreed to go to this, and applied accordingly. Of course the agency did not identify themselves, which is just as well. Their reputation wasn't great, and so what if it got soiled a bit more?

I had the same attitude I had when I didn't have a day job to supplement. I was just happy to see some old on-set friends, and enjoy spending time catching up. It was great.

We were there for an infomercial for a financial planning seminar. It was not too boring, but some of the extras were obviously bored and wanted to show the 'stars' they were that only they knew they were. "There are no small roles only small actors" crowed one of the more obnoxious ones, and another sitting next to them was just as annoying with their "I know everything" b.s.

They tried to get the talent's attention by saying they did this, and pretending to be ooh and ahh over what the talent there had done. Their tone was very condescending and transparent, but the talent chose to rise above it and keep it moving.

February 1st

Got an email from a fellow BG'er asking how I was and what I was up to. So much had changed. I had passed the three month trial run at the office gig and was full time. I had health insurance. I was getting regular checks...when I was keeping an eye on them.

The biggest issue was dealing with the personalities that were content on rotting there and infecting anyone new with their attitude problems. There was a lot of laziness and lethargy. A lot of don't give a damns and clients are crazy not us, type of thing. I was learning that keeping my mouth shut and letting them run their mouths was enough evidence.

So far the only complaint was I stepped away from my desk one too many times in order to help people out. This could be getting some water for a client, checking on whether something was done for another employee or client, anything job related, it didn't matter.

Yet, I wasn't hitting the pavement as much as I used to, since my hours were now dedicated to sitting in an office dealing with people. Although I still submitted, and had the new PDA to thank for that, I wasn't really holding my breath on getting responses. The few responses I got were repeat offenders that I dealt with last year who never answered or seemed shady last year.

So instead of panicking or hyperventilating as to how'm I paying the rent this month, I merely keep it moving, and next month, start the work on joining union.

Today I got what I think is the rest of my W-2's, and in another week or so, I am going to do my taxes and get it over with.

Back to the BGer. I filled them in briefly on what I've been doing. The voiceover site I had a complimentary membership at didn't really prove to me that they had an abundance of voiceover work, and I had a long way to go in regards to submitting for anything at this point. The site could not justify paying $200 a year. I just couldn't see it. I had it for two months, and I submitted to about ten jobs. I was selective too, just as the bullshit it claimed to say, that the more you submit, the less success and job leads one would get.

So...followed the rules, and got only one feedback, that my voice wasn't right for their particular project. Otherwise, the pricings were way low and not very promising. I have to go union. This is ridiculous.

What is new for 2010?

Currently working a day job -- and finding myself getting sucked into the 'drama' of surly, unhappy, defensive people who seem to find my cheeriness and happy go lucky self grating to their day. I remain unfazed, appreciative on having health insurance and a regular check and continue to be the picture of calmness and laughter, chuckling over the stupidity and sadness of the pathetic pencil pushers who whine to justify their paycheck. Didn't bother to get into tiffs with anybody, because I don't intend to make this place a home for the rest of my life. I cannot imagine staying in day in day out, year after year, with a bunch of unhappy souls. Have a life and have better things to focus on.

A new opportunity fell into my lap for voiceover and background work, put in for it and am awaiting callbacks. I'm really excited. In the meantime, another opportunity for a nicer environ and possibly better pay and promotion, has been swirling around me. I have put in for more information, and continue to look for the best. I'm not going to overthink things, but remain flexible and go with the flow. Already met with the head cheese and was advised later that they were certainly impressed and want me to meet with the rest of the crew.

So things are starting to move quickly. I see this as a way to get one step closer to joining union, as I have yet to save any real money towards membership. But I'm determined for it to happen this year.

Other things I'm looking at: online education for writing classes, acting classes. And travel. In no particular order. I'm already looking at flights to do a simple quick weekend in Canada. It's not that far away and I can hang with friends there so it's all good. Then the next trip for California and then Mexico. Gotta get things moving.