readying for the week

I am resisting. I have an audition for a weight loss show. At the time I wrote to them it seemed to be a pretty good idea. I know I am not camera ready but do not have the inclination or discipline to see it through to exercise every day. I'm too busy letting myself worry about how to pay the rent and this puts me in a negative mindset that is hard to break out of when there's the reality of bills every month or every week. As an actor, there are bills for paying for casting sites, that are a bit of a crap lottery in that you submit your ticket in hopes of getting your name called. Sometimes it works sometimes it doesn't. There are bills for the occasional acting related class, whether it's a how to on submitting to casting agencies or an acting method. Then there's the whole being "camera ready" -- going to a gym to tone up and 'lessen' the body and going to a dentist to keep the smile bright and healthy, it all adds up. This is one of the few fields where you initially invest a ton of money and then hope for the best. It's like the stock market.

Back to life. There was little work last week. This week sounds a bit quiet. Feeling a bit unnerved although I shouldn't be, I should be grateful. I continue to submit but the posts are few and far between. Union members seem to be getting more of the gigs now, which is good, I would hate to pay thousands of dollars and sit at home waiting for the phone to ring then it hardly ever does. Talk about stock market...

So now I continue to look for work, keep myself busy somehow, and not worry. Most important. To not worry. Although I do find myself checking out the want ads for regular office work.

You know. Just in case.

The weather has been a bit persnickity. I've been checking ads, calling in, and getting a little anxious to get things continually moving. Today was a bit quiet but found some interesting things to apply to. Although I would much rather be working, it's been quiet. Without the auditions I would've lost my mind. I get rather antsy when a week goes by with no work. I continue to research and submit and hope for the best.

As someone I consider very wise told me today, that things will come. The Universe will answer my call.

Grim day

Getting mentally prepared for the funeral for the fellow BG'er who passed away last week.

I'm not sure why we all have to dress in black considering how the person in question was anything but dowdy. I think the BG'er would have appreciated some color. The weather is supposed to be sunny and in the mid 80 degrees. Yipes.

I'm trying not to dwell on this, and I don't want to be seen as cruel or mean. The bottom line is, that life is to be cherished and death is not to be feared as it's a part of life. And I see a lot of scared people. Will carry some tissues and pray I don't come across as cold or overly hysterical.

I will not bring a camera. It's just too tacky, in my opinion. And I just don't want it to be my last memory of this person. I think I will just be quiet and observe.

Quiet day

Things are quiet today. Woke late. Didn't matter, as I wasn't called for any last-minute gigs today. I did find out that a gig I put in that would take place Monday has been yanked. Disappointed, I thought I'd be working Monday. So I scour ads and look at what I can scramble to get on for Monday. So far have not heard anything from the auditions I have done. Trying to stay positive.

Walked the dog. She's happy. Will go out later to run some errands. Right now the house is quiet, everyone is out. I'm kind of reveling in the quiet. Soaps are on. My guilty pleasure.