Depression ad

So I wrote truthfully to a WebMD potential gig for a health segment about depression. I wrote that in these economic times, I doubt they would have any trouble finding people who were suffering from depression. I know I am.

A friend pointed it out to me. I'm tired all the time, I can't even taste my food anymore, I'm eating sporadically, I'm not really excited about many things. The acting thing is sporadic at best and my limited money flow problems are growing not shrinking. Suffice it to say, things don't look very good and haven't for quite for some time.

I don't do 'poor' well, I admit that. I like knowing I can pay the rent next month and that I'm up to date with all my bills if not paid in full. I like knowing my credit isn't shot to hell and that if I want to buy a candy bar without counting my change three times while inwardly debating if I will have enough money for transportation to the next potential gig, I can do that.

They say if you want something to come to you, either focus on it or don't. In other words, don't force it let it come naturally. Well, what if naturally ain't fast enough and you are behind over a month in your bills? What do you do then?

So back to the WebMD ad. If I answer their questions and I'm to their liking, I can move on to an audition. Doesn't mean I get the role, but they get my information whether I get the job or not. Ain't that something? So I dredge up money to ride the train (which is now $4.50) and show up in hopes that I will have what they are looking for in order to land the job.

What is it that they say, a bird in hand...?

In any case, I take the chance so I don't end up inadvertently regretting it later on and show that I'm making an effort to pull myself out of my hole. Let's see what happens.

got confirmation call today

Guess they want to make sure I show up tomorrow. I wonder if this is going to be worth it. Will I truly get a line or will that be b.s.?

Let's see what happens. I tried to eat today and it promptly ruined my stomach. I wonder if I should just give up food for the next couple of weeks, but not being able to eat weakens me so I'm like WTF?

In a way, this used to happen to me, when the summer heat would come, I would just stop eating. It didn't make me feel weird, but I felt like I just didn't really need to eat. And the past couple of weeks have been really weird as far as eating, because I haven't been feeling well and not really into eating anything in particular.

T is worried. I just don't have an appetite. Shocking to T. Or maybe I am headed for a full on depression. I know that money's tight, has been tight, but this is a first if losing the appetite is part of the path to depression.

We'll see how this week goes. I have Tuesday open for possible work. Suddenly everyone and their mother is posting for work and I have to pass on all of it. Not like I had a chance, but you never know.

I will not let myself linger on this. I am already behind the 8 ball by still being in recovery mode.

Slow going. Will be in Bklyn tomorrow. I am grateful I don't have an early AM call, as that would have been killer.

Will take a shower tonight and get my clothing ready for my teacher role. Hmmm.