Wrapped two projects over the course of three days.  At first, it seemed I had three projects lined up, and spoke too soon, letting the good news out.  Now I know I temporarily lost my mind, and paid for it.  But then I regained two of the three projects.  Plus both gigs were paid gigs.  So all's well.  Watched the Oscars tonight, and checking online media in real time, and the haters were out in full force, talking about how boring this year is, and all I can think of is, that's where I want to be, nominated and WINNING.  Well, of course, some day.  One day. 

First project was a one day gig, an "abstract" re-enactment that would not involve featuring my face, and be more along my hand movements, leg movements, back of head, that kind of thing.  I was kind of surprised they still wanted me to sign an image release form.  I typed on a laptop for a sequence and impressed the director who had not realized I was really typing sentences over and over.  He thought I was moving too fast but I slowed down and then explained that my dayjob is as an office assistant.  So he was amused a bit.  The filming went smoothly for the most part, although they seemed to discuss at length about camera angles and mountings for angles and film record speeds.  Otherwise, we did well, and changing my outfits went quick and productive.

We were filming somewhere in Jersey, and it was cold, snow still everywhere.  Despite freezing a bit, we finally got to focus on my work and it was great.

Then I worked over the weekend the two day filming for something I'm being told will be submitted to film festivals.  I am really hoping to see this and hope they follow through.  The filming was quite organized, and we were fed, and kept warm and dry.  We would start filming around 10 and be done by 4, and we got paid at the end of the second day.  One of the better gigs I've had, and paid one at that, not bad.

So I hadn't had a day off in ten days, which was OK.  I was tired but happy.  Then, as it seems to be with the acting world, there were no bites or leads for more acting gigs the following week, it was quiet.  So I faced a weekend where I could catch up on errands, walk the dog and sleep.

I awoke today from some sad heavy dream that put me in a very sad quiet mood.  Have no idea what it was, and yet it kept me in a dark place.  I didn't shake it until a couple of hours ago, and even then, I am not looking forward to going back to the office tomorrow.  Partly because it's an office gig where the people are clearly clueless on how to speak to each other and even more ignorant when it comes to speaking to people who aren't their employee, someone who doesn't answer to them or their respective boss or supervisor.

It helps to have a steady gig while I pursue acting opportunities.  But I exchange one headache for another.  While I take a temp gig to keep the wolf from my door, I still have to struggle with people's quirks, ignorance and stupidity.  This should keep me humbled, reminded and focused that this is not where I want or aspire to be, that my life and career is elsewhere. 

I continue to take notes, remind myself, observe and move towards what I want to do and need to accomplish.

So...the film that went on for months is finished....now what?

After having the "viewing party" at the writer/director's house, I find I have some free time on my hands to let go of this role and move on to the next project.  Check in hand (yup, paid actor to boot!), I made sure it didn't bounce and said my goodbyes and keep in touches, and kept it moving, applying and submitting for acting gigs.  And in one week got three.  Got confirmed for two as definite, one was thinking about utilizing me then never got back to me after the initial email.

So now.....I am ecstatic, and uncharacteristically post updates of what I'm up to on my FB actor page.  Bad idea.  We actors are a superstitious lot and it's not uncommon to find some secret hateration going on amongst fellow actors, even struggling ones.

Soooooo...I was too gleeful and got demands for wanting to know what exactly I was doing from ...some apparent haters who wanted me to prove things and uncharacteristically I gave in and ended up giving up information about the project (like its name) and suddenly, I get dropped from another project.  So now I'm down to one project out of the original three -- this is the one I did not get into details.  I'm human, but I also scold myself for just going down that road and allowing me to get influenced by some idiots who in the end don't pay my rent nor do anything to further my career anyway.

It is a paid gig, so I'm thrilled about that.  And I'll be traveling for a weekend shoot.  I'm very excited about it, because it's far enough but not that far that I can't come home and sleep in my own bed.  Very happy about that!

Studying lines, which is my Achilles heel, being more diligent about memorizing.  Luckily it's not a long piece, I should be fine by end of the week.  Working a temp job in the meantime to help cover home expenses and I'm trying to figure out how to squeeze in getting a new headshot or two to carry me over for the next couple of years.

And I keep submitting, while dealing with the every day things of making sure I'm not underpaid or gypped on something or another.  The life of an actor.

Checking out castings

Some of the descriptions can be informative and helpful in order to help you better understand how to deliver on a role you want to audition for.  Then there are some that can come across rather unbelievable in their description of a character -- it's either very dull, vague or, even worse, insulting.  Some are downright funny.

Here is one that I did a doubletake on today.  Someone's in love with their inventive vocabulary usage.

"(female role) is a famous fashion blogger who loves the internet and post about herself. She is very futile and self-centered, although her goal in life is to be noticed and talked about, she is a pretty and stylish girl."

Now, some would say, "hey I know a girl like that, so the description's not that off.  What is wrong with it?"

I found this to be the doubletake:  "She is very futile..."

Futile is an adjective, but normally not used to describe a person but a person's ACTIONS.  For example, "Resistance is futile" or "The situation is futile", or "In a futile attempt for civility, the President raised his hand to keep the peace."

Unfortunately, this is a very mild version of some of the wilder shit I've seen for female roles.  Perhaps I should post some here in the near future, so you get an idea of what some "typical" casting notices go as these days.

Happy New Year!

A new project is coming into being slowly but surely.  The script (well, scripts in this case, two, and looking to be incorporated somehow with the wizardry of writer/director working with me) is ready, it's a matter of memorizing, working out the details such as what to wear, and we already have the locations for some of it.

I'm hoping that next week I can reach out and let them know I'm ready to start the process.  I asked for some time as it was the holidays and I would get a better idea in a few days.  So it's time to get off my haunches so to speak and start it moving.

I'm pretty excited about it.  As the W/D told me, this would be a showcase for me.  Showcase.  And it's a period piece, so it will be even more exciting and interesting to do.

Will keep tabs here on it.  Just happy to get back on blogger in order to keep my 'diary' of sorts going!

In the past six months, have lost three fellow BG actors

It's been a strange time of loss.  Of people you meet, connect over something you share, and then, they are not there anymore.  That's when you know you've been at something long enough, that you have made some work friendships, and you end up caring and then....the shock of that's it, the end.  Life's so short and precious.  You'd think more people would have an understanding of this, but they let it get lost in the mundane every day of simply trying to survive until tomorrow, next week, next month, next year.  Next year I'll travel, next week I'll start my diet, tomorrow I'll go to bed at a decent hour. 

Well, it's either you do it or you don't.  And if you don't, don't belabor it on your deathbed.  Don't let it be your last thought.  Think of the love you got and the laughs and hugs and tears you shared with those you cared about.  Because in the end, that's all that's going to matter to those who were left behind.

I am in a business where it's seemingly normal to not just grieve but to publicly show how much of a connection you have to someone who has recently passed.  Watching people speculate how close were you to someone.  Then it's your time to orate, to give a lengthy speech as if you are on stage about to read a dramatic piece worthy of Shakespeare, pauses, booming voice, tears and all.

I can't do that.  All I can do is say goodbye good friend and you will be missed.  I can't do the crying thing with all these people, it's just not seemly.  I write my note, say what I need to say, but don't go overboard.  In the end, I only know one part of a person who works this life, and it's the part that actor or actress wants to project, it's not their entire life summed up in one line or role.  So I have to approach like what I am, simply an acquaintance, and not to let my fears of mortality override or bleed in to my condolences and goodbyes.

Well, I've spoken enough on it.  It's awkward, but a part of real natural life that pokes its head in every now and then to let me know like everyone else, that you don't know how much time you got.  Best to do your time doing something you love or doing something that will help get you there while overriding any bumps or hiccups.

Back to filming the film....month five or seven, give or take

Oh my Lord.  I can understand now how some actors grow a bit restless, eager to move on to the next project.  We all so want this project to be perfect, but the actual time spent for filming and rehearsal has been dismal.  If it weren't for my insistence on meeting for rehearsals, and getting in at least two, I don't think I could feel I've done the best I could for this.  I don't act in a vacuum, unless it's for some kind of CGI/animated project or voiceover. 

This is a small film, a very small one, done by one man who is both writer and director, and is in love with every word on the page.  He makes sudden changes within the script, and moves the time frame as he sees fit.  Continuity is an issue, because he is not keeping costuming straight.  The costuming is small at best, and we bring what we have, and I ended up having to wear one of the wife's outfits in order to film, now stuck with wearing it as there was confusion as to what was being filmed one day.

So now we come to the final thirty pages of the script, and I can't wait to be done.  Between actors too involved in their process and how the film should look, to a writer/director who apologizes every time he has to fumble between deciding which of the two lenses he has to shoot a particular angle for a scene, to finding myself more and more left out of the film and what is actually being filmed, I am at a point that I am becoming not just restless but exhausted.  I merely wanted something for my reel, and I am anxious to get this wrapped.

The scenes I am looking forward to have either been scrapped or drastically changed that I have very little screen time if at all.  A part of me now dreads even showing up tomorrow but it's a pivotal scene, the end scenes, when all the characters converge and the truth's revealed.  All exterior shots, so we only have a limited amount of time (and daylight) to get this right for the director. 

I will come prepared with the red outfit, because it's the first one you see my character in.  Of course the director/writer has done some finagling with the script as far as the time of year this scene occurs in, but whatever.  The other character in the scene will have the initial outfit on, but I won't, which makes no sense.

Trying to stay professional and not lose my cool over this.  It's not my baby, and I must trust it'll all turn out alright in the end.  At least that's what the W/D says from time to time.  All I know is that it's October and I need to move on soon.

Free offerings....not really free

Today I was reminded of the quirks of humanity. 

A person, who shall remain nameless, decided to announce that they were doing test shots, taking the ol' camera out of the mothballs so to speak, and if anyone wanted to get a free shoot in, to let them know.  And of course the person gets requests, within minutes even I put in a request, and was told that they were busy working, but could try next week.

Flash forward the next week, and wouldn't you know, the same person is announcing how yet another photoshoot went so well, and that if anyone is interested, to get in on it while it's still free.  I reply within minutes again, and even private message, which the PM got no response, so I clicked on that public announcement brag post and said "hey".

So ....the passive aggressive play of not answering me but answering other people reminded me that perhaps this person was not really interested in photographing me, especially when I recall a prior encounter I had with this person, who had sent me a "friend" request when I didn't even know, but I had seen in the same groups I had posted in, so I figured why not, probably harmless.

Turns out, several months later, we meet on set for a production, and the person paid me no mind, despite the fact that I introduced myself and the person acted like they couldn't place me.  I then went on to say, "that's odd, considering you had sent me a friend request and I don't know you except for posting on work sites like I do," and then they just kind of looked like a deer caught in headlight and said some lame line about how they didn't recognize me from my photos.  Huh?  The pictures look like me, no one else has said I don't look like me, so it was total passive aggressive b.s.  I asked for clarification, "really, what do you mean?"  And got nothing.  Just a shrug.  I shrug back, and just shook my head.  The person in question is not exactly competing in the hot/attractive department, not by a longshot, but I found it interesting that the person only seemed to want to talk to the skinny 19 year olds with long blond hair walking around.  Nice.  After that realization, and seeing that the person was blowing me off saying their "phone was dying" and couldn't send me location info but just a time to meet, and in the morning to boot, so I'm supposed to stand around and wait for when they can supposedly go home and connect via email.  I send my email addy and stick around for an hour then sign off.  Ten minutes later, I log on and see a tentative "are you still on?" and decided not to reply.  It was going on midnight and they wanted to meet at 11 am at some place undetermined. 

Now, I know that the offer was free and they could do what they please, but the vibe I got, and remembering our prior short icky encounter, is that this person was absolutely not interested in me taking the offer, but was offering it to specific cuties they wanted to get to know better.  Then don't waste people's time and give half ass answers, passive aggro ass.  I decided I do not need to shove myself down some nobody's throat, and quite frankly, I need to back off when someone doesn't respond with at least some level of enthusiasm.  I had remembered too late the lack of warmth and kindness from this person, but I will make a note of it, and will be only too happy to not deal with this person ever again.

At the end of the day, at least I managed to state something very selfish and actor-y of me, that I would be in rehearsals at a certain time, so at least I advertised that I wasn't sitting at the computer staring at my emails into early morning wondering if they were going to contact me.  I get enough abuse dealing with employment agencies that claim to have some dream job right up my alley and never answer me, or send some form letter of thanks but no.

Enough of a rant today.  I am recovering from viral infection and have been having interrupted sleep.  Gonna sleep well tonight, I hope, as I can breathe and not cough so much.  Just needed to vent on the stupidity of some folks.  G'nite.