In the past six months, have lost three fellow BG actors

It's been a strange time of loss.  Of people you meet, connect over something you share, and then, they are not there anymore.  That's when you know you've been at something long enough, that you have made some work friendships, and you end up caring and then....the shock of that's it, the end.  Life's so short and precious.  You'd think more people would have an understanding of this, but they let it get lost in the mundane every day of simply trying to survive until tomorrow, next week, next month, next year.  Next year I'll travel, next week I'll start my diet, tomorrow I'll go to bed at a decent hour. 

Well, it's either you do it or you don't.  And if you don't, don't belabor it on your deathbed.  Don't let it be your last thought.  Think of the love you got and the laughs and hugs and tears you shared with those you cared about.  Because in the end, that's all that's going to matter to those who were left behind.

I am in a business where it's seemingly normal to not just grieve but to publicly show how much of a connection you have to someone who has recently passed.  Watching people speculate how close were you to someone.  Then it's your time to orate, to give a lengthy speech as if you are on stage about to read a dramatic piece worthy of Shakespeare, pauses, booming voice, tears and all.

I can't do that.  All I can do is say goodbye good friend and you will be missed.  I can't do the crying thing with all these people, it's just not seemly.  I write my note, say what I need to say, but don't go overboard.  In the end, I only know one part of a person who works this life, and it's the part that actor or actress wants to project, it's not their entire life summed up in one line or role.  So I have to approach like what I am, simply an acquaintance, and not to let my fears of mortality override or bleed in to my condolences and goodbyes.

Well, I've spoken enough on it.  It's awkward, but a part of real natural life that pokes its head in every now and then to let me know like everyone else, that you don't know how much time you got.  Best to do your time doing something you love or doing something that will help get you there while overriding any bumps or hiccups.