Back to filming the film....month five or seven, give or take

Oh my Lord.  I can understand now how some actors grow a bit restless, eager to move on to the next project.  We all so want this project to be perfect, but the actual time spent for filming and rehearsal has been dismal.  If it weren't for my insistence on meeting for rehearsals, and getting in at least two, I don't think I could feel I've done the best I could for this.  I don't act in a vacuum, unless it's for some kind of CGI/animated project or voiceover. 

This is a small film, a very small one, done by one man who is both writer and director, and is in love with every word on the page.  He makes sudden changes within the script, and moves the time frame as he sees fit.  Continuity is an issue, because he is not keeping costuming straight.  The costuming is small at best, and we bring what we have, and I ended up having to wear one of the wife's outfits in order to film, now stuck with wearing it as there was confusion as to what was being filmed one day.

So now we come to the final thirty pages of the script, and I can't wait to be done.  Between actors too involved in their process and how the film should look, to a writer/director who apologizes every time he has to fumble between deciding which of the two lenses he has to shoot a particular angle for a scene, to finding myself more and more left out of the film and what is actually being filmed, I am at a point that I am becoming not just restless but exhausted.  I merely wanted something for my reel, and I am anxious to get this wrapped.

The scenes I am looking forward to have either been scrapped or drastically changed that I have very little screen time if at all.  A part of me now dreads even showing up tomorrow but it's a pivotal scene, the end scenes, when all the characters converge and the truth's revealed.  All exterior shots, so we only have a limited amount of time (and daylight) to get this right for the director. 

I will come prepared with the red outfit, because it's the first one you see my character in.  Of course the director/writer has done some finagling with the script as far as the time of year this scene occurs in, but whatever.  The other character in the scene will have the initial outfit on, but I won't, which makes no sense.

Trying to stay professional and not lose my cool over this.  It's not my baby, and I must trust it'll all turn out alright in the end.  At least that's what the W/D says from time to time.  All I know is that it's October and I need to move on soon.

Free offerings....not really free

Today I was reminded of the quirks of humanity. 

A person, who shall remain nameless, decided to announce that they were doing test shots, taking the ol' camera out of the mothballs so to speak, and if anyone wanted to get a free shoot in, to let them know.  And of course the person gets requests, within minutes even I put in a request, and was told that they were busy working, but could try next week.

Flash forward the next week, and wouldn't you know, the same person is announcing how yet another photoshoot went so well, and that if anyone is interested, to get in on it while it's still free.  I reply within minutes again, and even private message, which the PM got no response, so I clicked on that public announcement brag post and said "hey".

So ....the passive aggressive play of not answering me but answering other people reminded me that perhaps this person was not really interested in photographing me, especially when I recall a prior encounter I had with this person, who had sent me a "friend" request when I didn't even know, but I had seen in the same groups I had posted in, so I figured why not, probably harmless.

Turns out, several months later, we meet on set for a production, and the person paid me no mind, despite the fact that I introduced myself and the person acted like they couldn't place me.  I then went on to say, "that's odd, considering you had sent me a friend request and I don't know you except for posting on work sites like I do," and then they just kind of looked like a deer caught in headlight and said some lame line about how they didn't recognize me from my photos.  Huh?  The pictures look like me, no one else has said I don't look like me, so it was total passive aggressive b.s.  I asked for clarification, "really, what do you mean?"  And got nothing.  Just a shrug.  I shrug back, and just shook my head.  The person in question is not exactly competing in the hot/attractive department, not by a longshot, but I found it interesting that the person only seemed to want to talk to the skinny 19 year olds with long blond hair walking around.  Nice.  After that realization, and seeing that the person was blowing me off saying their "phone was dying" and couldn't send me location info but just a time to meet, and in the morning to boot, so I'm supposed to stand around and wait for when they can supposedly go home and connect via email.  I send my email addy and stick around for an hour then sign off.  Ten minutes later, I log on and see a tentative "are you still on?" and decided not to reply.  It was going on midnight and they wanted to meet at 11 am at some place undetermined. 

Now, I know that the offer was free and they could do what they please, but the vibe I got, and remembering our prior short icky encounter, is that this person was absolutely not interested in me taking the offer, but was offering it to specific cuties they wanted to get to know better.  Then don't waste people's time and give half ass answers, passive aggro ass.  I decided I do not need to shove myself down some nobody's throat, and quite frankly, I need to back off when someone doesn't respond with at least some level of enthusiasm.  I had remembered too late the lack of warmth and kindness from this person, but I will make a note of it, and will be only too happy to not deal with this person ever again.

At the end of the day, at least I managed to state something very selfish and actor-y of me, that I would be in rehearsals at a certain time, so at least I advertised that I wasn't sitting at the computer staring at my emails into early morning wondering if they were going to contact me.  I get enough abuse dealing with employment agencies that claim to have some dream job right up my alley and never answer me, or send some form letter of thanks but no.

Enough of a rant today.  I am recovering from viral infection and have been having interrupted sleep.  Gonna sleep well tonight, I hope, as I can breathe and not cough so much.  Just needed to vent on the stupidity of some folks.  G'nite.

Filming ... and it goes on!

This is going to be a bit of a rambler.

After months of fits and starts, and losing two key cast members, the pivotal lead and a co-star, we are finally getting underway to film the scenes between my character, my "daughter" and the lead male.  Suffice it to say, it's been a long time coming, and I'm excited and look forward to the last several pages of dialogue and scenes before the final ending which should be the most complex film sequence, the rest is a cutaway shot of what happens with each character in the end, with my character in the final shot with the pivotal lead.

Of course, it hasn't been without its bumps and doubts, but I've hung in there, and continue to do so, despite the politics and maybe the slightly manic over-enthusiasm of those who are eager to look good in front of the papa director.  I have had to remind myself that it pays to be professional and nice to all I work with and deal with, because the system is incestuous, and it's not just what you know but who you know.

I want to remembered for being a very good actor, diligent, and professional and kind.  And the elements are already there.  I don't worry about what others have to do, I just worry about what I have to do, and rehearse when it's needed.

It's lovely to see fellow actors showing such enthusiasm for a project and wanting to do a good job.  What has been interesting is how actors do things that they may or may not realize actually undermine the production process and will color fellow actors perspectives while working with them.

I have not given the impression I'm inflexible or uncooperative.  I have given much more of my time and resources than I care to admit.  The issue is when an actor oversteps their boundaries, in the reason that they are looking to "help", that can cause some issues.

For example, an actor I've worked with, in eagerness to speed up filming for a project, has declared themselves not just a "lead" but THE "lead" on a project that they are actually, at best, co-star in.  The lead is the person who appears in almost every scene and has the most dialogue.  It's not me and it's not them.  Yet this person sent out a "newsletter" describing what they have been up to acting-wise, and I was somehow included on the maillist, although I didn't ask to be put on an update list.  Just because you have my email, it doesn't mean to abuse it.

Which is another thing I will get into -- why oh why, when you are given my email in the day to day production chatter between actors, do you think it's suddenly OK to put MY email, without asking me, because I never gave you my email, the director did, again, in the course of being cc'd on production day to day chatter, WHY did you think it's OK to put on your mail list to send me your newsletter?  I didn't ask to be given updates on your musings on what project you're working on and how you feel you are learning so much with absolutely zero information on WHAT you are learning exactly?  Just a form to praise someone who hired you for the gig?  How is that not one-sided?

In any case, I learn my lines, confer with the director, who called me direct and we discussed specifically what scenes to be worked on.  The scenes, two small ones to be filmed outside, had to be rescheduled due to inclement weather.  We, the director, myself and the enthusiastic actor co-star agreed to it in an email.  So I thank the director for calling, I appreciated the update, yes the film is coming along wonderfully, I'm very excited about it, yes, and I'm thinking we're all set, I'm off to have my holiday weekend with the relatives, and see you next week.

Only....I get an email the very next day, in the early Saturday afternoon, from the director, telling me about how they filmed a scene for two characters in the film - wonderful, OK, it's nice to be given an update, but I'm away, so....I think that's nice, no worries.  The very next day, I get a double email from the one who is eager to prove to the director that they are eager and put me on their maillist without asking, starting the email with "I know it's a holiday weekend but...."  And I think, if you have to start an email with that statement, you should have never sent it.  But apparently this person feels eagerness is not to be mistaken for failure to be considerate.

This eager person made a point of saying they would change their holiday plans to work Saturday.  As it was already established I would be away with family obligations, in passing I suggested that the sequence of this person's character and another could be filmed on the weekend since the other actor could not work on weekdays and thus doing Saturday, if the other actor, could, would work out for all involved.  The director storyboarded it, and from what I heard, the shoot went well, hence the excited email update from the director.

Supposedly, the enthusiastic one was to go on vacation for Sunday.  Yet Sunday afternoon I get an email -- from them, starting the email with that infamous line. It could very well be completely innocent, or it could be in their eagerness to be noticed by the director, they wanted to pull a somewhat passive aggressive move and see if I could "at least" Skype to go over the scene.  When I wrote back briefly describing the scenes we had previously emailed each other about that was cancelled due to the weather -- if something had changed, please advise, otherwise see you when we film, I heard nothing for three hours.  Then an email came about how the pages were understood by them to be different, and a list of the pages were sent.

I checked my notes.  That was for scene 3, which was to take place with the pivotal character, and none of us had done a runthrough with the the pivotal character beyond one single read when we were all introduced to each other two weeks ago.  At the end of last week, a casual email exchange between myself and the pivotal actor, who had just replaced another actor for the role, still did not have the full script given to him by the director who had promised to get one to him.

Back to the point on scene 3.  So apparently we were skipping over the scene that was to be filmed and going straight into the filming of the pivotal actor and us two co-stars, me and enthusiastic newsletter actor.

When the director had contacted me Friday, he made absolutely no mention of the new scenes, and whether the actor would be there.  Luckily, most of the pages mentioned had already been filmed, and were actually scenes between just me and eager co-star.

I wrote back to eager beaver and graciously thanked them for the headsup and I will see them on shoot day.

Not going to stress.  Luckily I already started going over the lines, so I should be raring to go by then.  It doesn't explain what happens to the outdoor scene, but it's small and maybe the director is thinking he can just squish all the scenes together to get as much filmed in one day as possible.  However, we've had no time to do the dialogue-heavy ones amongst the three of us on our own.  So this'll be a bit challenging, a bit stressful but also oddly exhilarating to me.  Let's rock and roll and get it done. 

Am I ready for the spotlight?

Today was a great day, although it started slow and I was feeling lethargic from the rainy weather.  I was vacillating to go and join a writer/director on his auditioning.  He saw it as an opportunity for me to view it from the casting chair as opposed to being the one to audition.  It was very interesting but very cut and dried.  We only had an hour in the room he was renting as the audition space.  There was a table and about six chairs inhabiting the room.  There were no posters or things of interest on the walls, it was very sterile.  I had the "Casting By" documentary on my mind, which talked about a famous female Casting Director based in NYC and got a lot of now known actors their start by casting them in films -- we're talking Dustin Hoffman, Danny Glover, Jon Voight, Al Pacino, James Dean, all those great character actors of the 1950's, 60's, 70's and 80's.  I was thinking about how she had bought a brownstone and converted it into a casting office space, while still keeping a home look about it, so when you went for a casting call there, you didn't feel like you were in a sterile uncomfortable place, it was a home, and was comfortable, people lived there.  It was apparently very cool and she only hired females who in turn learning the trade of casting and went on to form their own careers and casting companies.

So I thought about the warm inviting room versus the cold sterile one I was in, and I could immediately see how actors are already put at a disadvantage, and how casting people can be easily bored or distracted, wanting to get out of that sterile boring room!

Anywho, I met with all the actors for the potential role that was up for grabs.  I read another person's part in order to give the person someone to react and read off of, and for some it worked, some needed work, and at least two really didn't have anything and weren't radiating any energy.  The one that looked very much like the role was nice, but he was just...there was nothing.  I was looking for the give and take, to see what he could do, and he seemed to be more interested in learning the lines and be able to say them from memory when he was clearly stuck and getting worse.   We stopped, and calmed him down, and assured him he could read from the script, and we moved forward.  Again, I was not feeling him, but it was not my decision anyways.

After seeing the various actors, I was asked my thoughts, and I gave them.  The director had his mind set on one guy in particular, and for some reason, although I do recall reading well with him, I couldn't grasp his name.  I couldn't help but notice the director had his name right on his tongue, so I couldn't help but get the impression that he already knew the guy and wanted him before he even read.  So...we'll see how that goes.

What came out of it as well, was an invite to do a reading with some cast members for another film, or play, I think, not sure.  So I went home, happy, satisfied I showed my face and helped out.

I have a smile on my face, happy as can be, and apparently that bothers other people who don't feel that way or are jealous about it.  A woman acted very rudely towards me when I asked rather politely which line was she on when she stepped in front of me as if to get in my way of standing in one of the two cashiers who had two customers each on line with them.  She apparently was trying to save a place on both lines, and was calling out to a young teen boy to come over and "place an order" and he refused three times, each time louder, that he wasn't going to go over and stand with her.

Maybe she wasn't having a good day, but she certainly picked the wrong person to take out her sour attitude on when I asked her what line was she on.  So when she replied "There's one line," with attitude, rolling her eyes up and pursing her lips, I said, "Oh?  There's two registers open here,"  "I said there's ONE line," she raised her voice.  I went over to to the cashier on the left and asked, "Hi, is there one line or two?"  "Well, actually, I was trying to close out, so...." said the cashier making some explanation.  I replied, "OK, no worries," and went to the back of the line.  No attitude given to the cashier, none to the snarky person who was rude to me.  I thought it squashed, but the woman decided to keep talking and referencing me jumping the line.  "I didn't jump the line, I'm standing behind you." I answered, after hearing her lip.

She kept talking, so I just decided to stare at my phone, shrug and decide to ignore her.  She's an idiot, and I'm not going to engage.  Or so I thought.

She gets to place her order and proceeds to continue to bitch about me to the cashier woman I spoke to just a minute or so before.  "No one jumped ahead of you, I'm right here," I said, shaking my head.  Then she started calling me the b-word.  "Calling me names is not going to help here," I said, "No need for it."  "Fuck you b'" she went on.  "Notice I didn't call you names, so there's no need to get rude," I replied.  "I will say what I want, what are you going to do?"  She at first goes she's not going to waste her time putting her hands on me, and I was like, "Yeah, yeah yeah, get your burger and leave."  And she kept yapping, talking about putting her hands on me, and I told her, "Are you thinking of getting physical?  Ask yourself if handcuffs are worth losing a Big Mac over.  I don't have time for your b.s."  "F-k you" she says, calling me the b word and I go, "How original and clever you are, my my."  And I'm shaking my head, and trying not to lose it with her, but once she started talking physical threats about putting her hands on me, I had countered with the handcuffs, and when she kept talking, again about me cutting in front of her, I again said, nothing like that happened, you are now making shit up because I have not cut in front of you, and you had a stank attitude from the minute I met (her).  If you have a bad day that's not my problem, I did nothing to you, and you've been nothing but verbally abusive.  You must've thought by looking at me I was going to shut up and let you talk your nonsense but once you talk physical threats, all bets are off.  You wanna get physical, the police station is three blocks down, how about it?"

I just wanted her to get her burger and get out and leave me alone.  She decided to start walking around like she's in a boxing ring or a Jerry Springer episode and her young son or whatever was telling her to calm down and telling me not to answer her, and I tell him, the reason why she feels she can attack a stranger like this is because she is really angry at you for not coming to her when she told you to come over and stand in line with her.  That's what started all this so she has to understand that if you have a bad day or are angry, you just don't go and take it out on another person because she might not like the consequences of her actions.

And she's still ranting, and the woman cashier who claimed to be shutting down, stayed to apparently watch the whole thing, and seemed to try to empathize with the ranting woman, and the woman kept yakking about getting physical with me and I said "STOP YOUR LIES.  GET YOUR BURGER and SHUT THE FUCK UP, enough already," my ghetto came out, and it was on. 

It was time for me to order, and I was like, "where's her burger?  I'm done with her b.s.," and the woman cashier invites me to go to her for my order.  This meant walking up to be RIGHT NEXT to the ranting woman, and I didn't hesitate to walk right up.  Now was the time to see if this woman was going to do something or not.  "Why you got to stand right up next to me?" she starts, and I put my hand up as if to place a wall between me and her for her to shut up, and I focus on the cashier and state that I'd like a burger and fries, medium Coke.  I had to repeat myself three times while ranting woman is yelling in my ear.  At any time she could've put a finger on me and she knew I had already told her, one touch and it was off to jail we go.

I stood my ground, was amazingly calm and showed her why I was 'standing right next to her' -- the cashier was RIGHT there, in the very same vicinity!  This actually made the ranting woman pause, and I placed my order for the FOURTH time.  The cashier was like, "I"m trying to be polite, and ask what you want," she began.  And I nodded and said, "I'm trying to place my order but I have someone screaming in my ear, can you see why that's hard?"  And the cashier goes, "Yes, I know," and I was thinking, bitch, don't start with me, because you and none of your lackeys are doing anything but gawking and laughing and enjoying the show.  No one is lifting a finger to do anything, not that I expected anyone to, these are people working minimum wage jobs and probably see drama like this every week, but if the cashier thought she was doing me a favor by sticking around to take my order she was full of shit herself.  She was staying to watch the show too.

In the end, the woman left with her burger, her young companion ushering her out, probably relieved that no one was going to jail tonight, and I got my meal.  The cashier goes I should have risen above it, and I looked at her, and said, "I don't expect anyone to come forward from here to straighten things out.  She was in the wrong, and apparently thought by the looks of me that I was some lily white that wasn't going to answer back and just shrivel up scared.  Looks can be deceiving.  Perhaps she'll think twice to not judge someone by their outward appearance and take her attitude elsewhere.  She wants to act ghetto, then you get ghetto back, that's all she seemed to understand.  I tried talking, that didn't work.  I'm here for a meal like everyone else.  That's all I'm saying."  The cashier seemed to realize the point I was making when I looked her in the eye about judging people from their appearance.

I went home, feeling annoyed but I was still determined not to let it affect me.  I was ready for whatever I was going to find outside but there was no one around save for a family getting into their car.  I went home, feeling my body heat from the anger from the situation.  I would have to shake off this negativity from that stranger somehow.  When I got home, I gave the story to my cousin, who was like, "You should have called me, you know I would've been there," and I said, "She was one dial away from the cops, and I left it up to her how she wanted it go down, she had ample opportunity to bring it and she didn't, just a blowhard who was either having a shitty day or a shitty life."

So we talked it out and soon I was laughing a bit, although my nerves fantasized about belting that stupid woman a good one for even threatening a total stranger physically, talking out of her neck only leads to tragedy, I thought.   I don't have to do anything.  Karma will pay her ass a visit.  It's a small world, so we might even meet again.  Maybe this time she'll be contrite, naturally horrified at her behavior.  It's happened.  Or maybe not.  Not holding my breath.

Which leads me to my original thought.  There will be people out there, as I become more visible, who will try to start shit, just for the sake of it, to get their name in the papers, to try to sue me by instigating shit.  Stuff will pop up on TMZ and YouTube.  Ew.  Am I ready for that?  Really ready?  First off, I assume I won't be living where I've been living all my years, and that I will be in a different place.  But do the people really change when the salary or standard of living does?  Something to ponder as well.

So I know...most times, I'm able to keep my mouth shut, but there will be times when I won't.  I wonder how bad it will be.  I don't want it to be.  I was heated when I talked about it with my cousin.  It's several hours later and I'm still wondering what the hell is it about me that certain people just seem to come to want to try to kill my joy.   In my email then appeared the script for the next project.  OMG! I'm happy again, pensive, still dwelling a bit thoughts swirling, but feeling a bit better.

Still, there are times that I think I hate stupid people.
Hate is such a strong word I think.  Then.  Sooooo appropo.
Fuck the haters.  Moving on.  Looked over the script.  Need to work on an accent.  *grin*
Fuck negative thoughts.  Need to find a way to release this anger.  ARggggghhhhhh!

The more things change...the more they stay the same

Finally....after two long years of just solidly doing background and commercial work -- yes finally graduated to doing commercial gigs, amen and hallelujah -- I finally got a co-lead role on a web series.  And in the mail I got...the INVITE.  From the union, to join.  I am now eligible to join.  I was a bit surprised, and also felt like crying.  This was something that should have been in my hands eons ago.  Yet here it is, finally, in my hand, that's my name on the envelope and on the letter, right home address.  Oh my GAWD. 

Never in a million years did I think I would ever get to this place.  But I did it.  Finally!  Of course, having made some working contacts, and putting my wish out to the universe for something to put on a reel, this came into being.  I am so grateful, satisfied, and with the feeling "it's about damned time!" added to it.

Next step?  I could sit and enjoy this, savor it.  Yes, I sure could.  And I will.  Then it's off to start making more commercial money in order to go union.  I also need to add some more tasty meaty roles while still nonunion in order to build up the resume.  While I love background work and it will always have a place in my heart, my humble beginnings, I must also push forward and move up.

And I must frame this letter.  Lordy.  I'm eligible!!!!