The more things change...the more they stay the same

Finally....after two long years of just solidly doing background and commercial work -- yes finally graduated to doing commercial gigs, amen and hallelujah -- I finally got a co-lead role on a web series.  And in the mail I got...the INVITE.  From the union, to join.  I am now eligible to join.  I was a bit surprised, and also felt like crying.  This was something that should have been in my hands eons ago.  Yet here it is, finally, in my hand, that's my name on the envelope and on the letter, right home address.  Oh my GAWD. 

Never in a million years did I think I would ever get to this place.  But I did it.  Finally!  Of course, having made some working contacts, and putting my wish out to the universe for something to put on a reel, this came into being.  I am so grateful, satisfied, and with the feeling "it's about damned time!" added to it.

Next step?  I could sit and enjoy this, savor it.  Yes, I sure could.  And I will.  Then it's off to start making more commercial money in order to go union.  I also need to add some more tasty meaty roles while still nonunion in order to build up the resume.  While I love background work and it will always have a place in my heart, my humble beginnings, I must also push forward and move up.

And I must frame this letter.  Lordy.  I'm eligible!!!!

Found myself on a blistering hot Saturday

For an Alan Ball project that's supposed to come out on Cinemax sometime in 2013.  I was excited because I am a fan of his work -- Six Feet Under and True Blood, anyone?  I felt it was worth doing the exterior BG work.  I was pleased to get contacted for it, and by 5 am I was checking in just a couple of blocks from the place I was born and grew up.  So it was really cool.  It was a dramatic scene which involved a cool Camaro (in black of course) and screeching of tires, stuntsman running and 'shooting guns' and dodging 'bullets'.  It was pretty awesome!  I found myself running and acting surprised and scared as if I was experiencing it all for the very first time.  Twenty takes, and I was still keeping it fresh.  What helped was having some fun familiar faces to run and act with in BG.  I felt very grateful to be relatively healthy and in shape to run for each and every take.  Some people didn't bother, some claimed they had bad knees and strolled, not even breaking their conversation about something unrelated to what we were doing, but I would just keep it going.  Because this means something to me.  Something more. 

Had an audition earlier in the week, a casting agency saw me on line at a casting site and invited me in.  I made them laugh, and it seems they liked what they saw.  Whether the client actually did is yet to be seen.  I think I nailed it.  Meanwhile, I see them posting for background people.  I haven't heard anything.  Oh well.  Keeping it moving.  I submitted for the BG just in case as it's a good rate. 

Sigh.

Looking for a day job in the meantime as well as continuing to submit for work.  There's a three day gig coming up and I am continuing to submit myself every time I see a casting submission link somewhere about it.  Already three times.  Let's see what happens.  Plus put in for Boardwalk as they're looking for people, and I bide my time and be patient, because I want to get back onto working that one too.  I liked that one a lot, and the clothing and attention to detail was awesome.

I cut my hair to chin length because it's summer.  I hemmed and hawed about it for two months because I was wondering to hold on to the length just in case Boardwalk calls.  Well, if they call, there's hair pieces and if anything, my hair style now is considered very early 1920's anyway.  Have to do something about my eyebrows.  Just got them done over a week ago and they are already fuzzing.  New guy worked on them, as my usual person went and sold the place out and didn't let us know where she was going!  She took most of the staff with her too!  Sheesh!

Well, back to the mines, my friend.

Lack of focus...

Oh dear freakin' Lord.  Since the Glee ep, work has been slow.  I took an office job, temping, and it gets depressing.  I feel time is ticking.  But I must pay the rent and must start going to find a new photographer that's not going to cost me an arm and leg that'll take a decent headshot and commerical pic to last me for the next couple of years.  I also just cut my hair, so time is of the essence.  I also continue to wage an inner dialogue about my weight and continue to snag an oppty here and there to go to a zumba class or sneak in some arm curls.  The focus is just not there.  Boredom is setting in and I've no idea what the next step is. It seems a constant chase for elusiveness and maybe two seconds of showing up in something.  While showing up in something is good, and I have been getting noticed, as a BG you are not supposed to stand out, so even BG I'm like....failing.  I shake my head as I write this because I didn't want to admit that.  There are times I wonder if I'm just being a delusional fool, that if others thought I was really talented, they would've helped me.  But in the end I have to help myself and not look for someone to save me.  I continue on this journey to go after what I want and be happy because life is too damned short to be miserable at something that keeps the wolves from the door but gives nothing to the soul.

The New Normal

Worked on a hush hush t.v. project and couldn't believe what it was -- we were told when we were checked in and sitting in holding by the PA's making a general announcement.  Awesome!  I would post it here but I am trying to avoid having some one having a reason to sue me, so I will play the avoid-y card for now.  Waiting now to see the upcoming The Big C episode I did BG work on.  Should be happening this week or next.  Been watching the 2-2, and have yet to see me show up in the background.  Read that A Gifted Man got canned, so there goes a former gig in NYC for me.  I worked that one a few times as BG. 

Meanwhile, I took on a temp job with abysmal pay, nowhere near what I was making before.  It's really bad out there, and the temp agencies are letting us know it by undercutting our pay "to stay competitive" and they've got temps even running scared.  I figured I would do this one gig, and it turns out it's like a two month gig, and I kept my comments to myself, just merely nodded my head and kept all my answers positive.  After this, I will have to raise my amount or lower the amount of time I am working a gig so I can continue to work my BG stuff as that is what makes me happy and sane, believe it or not. 

I have not gone union, despite the mad rush of others to go, because I simply did not have the money to do so.  The money's not there, and I've already had discussions with family as to where everyone else's money is going because I keep working and no matter how much I make, whether I work in an office or in BG or whatever, it just seems to disappear and I'm still hearing how we're behind in our bills. 

AUGH!

work work and more work

Late December, January and part of February were pretty quiet. Thought I was going to tear my hair out. Been jobhunting like crazy, and for a few nibbles, all's quiet. Everyone has a wish list but can afford to be choosy over who they want for the paltry salary they're waving. Pisses me off.

Meanwhile, I work for minimum wage. At least BG is interesting. Worked on Smash several times, Gifted Man, The 2-2, (now called NYC 22), L&O SVU, The Big C and Unforgettable. Finally was able to break out the nurse scrubs for an unnamed project, let's see what happens with that. A fellow BGer decided to take the plunge, got his AFTRA waiver and decided to go union. I'm happy for him, really.

I continue to job hunt as well as apply for part-time jobs and submit for auditions. I am really hustling best I can and staying positive.

woot woot! things have been in a whirl

Have been getting some regular work via Grant Wilfley and Central Casting. Even got gig from Liz Lewis for my first music video. Can't complain. Came off the summer finishing on Boardwalk Empire's second season, the year 1921, and have already seen myself twice! AiEEEEEE! It's so awesome! Several people, non-actors and fellow BGers, saw me as one of the protesting maids for the season 13 premiere (Scorched Earth ep.) of Law & Order SVU. I even heard myself, I was very featured, it was awesome.

I got a call for more background work, and found myself on Gifted Man (again I appeared on camera but crossing the street, oh well). I have been submitting for Nurse Jackie but nothing has come of it. I mean, I have scrubs, I can play a visitor, nurse, or patient. I could even do pedestrian again. I meet others that manage to get on that set and they tell me to just keep trying, and keep submitting. So I keep submitting.

Worked an unforgettable two days on Unforgettable. We're talking 15 hour days a piece. A lot of waiting around, in order for them to set up cameras to make the show as special as it is as the main character has something like photographic memory so a scene has to be filmed multiple times from different ways.

The spring and summer came and went. By the end of August, I had a week off, just to relax in time for the long holiday weekend. But I was itching. I wanted to keep the momentum going. I got another call from SVU, and off I went to play a basketball mom for a young teenager in a banquet scene. It was very nice, and they fed us, and the scene went well and the director was thrilled it went along smoothly and let us know it. We were even thanked by one of the main guest star actors, and we got to see some famous basketball players like Carmelo Anthony. The boys that were with me and other "mothers" were thrilled and starry eyed, it was funny to see.

Meanwhile, I kept submitting for roles. Went on auditions, and didn't put too much stress on myself for it. I had fun, and read my lines, and just went with it. If I didn't get a call within a week, I didn't stress about it. I would continue to submit for new jobs, and then I got some paid audience work so I wasn't about to have the time to dwell and brood over things. Got work on some independent films and was happy to have fun playing the curvy woman who shows up at the wedding kind of thing and just had fun.

Now I have an early morning calltime, and I had to go to a fitting over a week ago in order to go to this. It's been really exciting, but early morning call times can be a challenge. I have no idea how many people are going to be in the scene tomorrow but I am going to continue to be strong, stay focused, and stay positive.

Did I also mention I started doing the 1,600 a day for the month of November challenge? I couldn't even summon a 1,000 words, only over 600. I put it on draft. Sloooooowww beginning indeed.

quiet week

Although there have been postings, the most activity was yesterday to submit, the bottom line is, it's right before the holiday weekend so castings will slow down. At least this is what I am telling myself as this happened the last time right around Memorial Day. Can't believe it's already hitting on the Fourth of July weekend and I have no inclination to do anything special. Just can't muster the strength to go or do anything. Just want to rest under the covers with my dogs and have the television cable ready along with a tall glass of ice and soda. I don't even feel like eating to be honest, although I did break down yesterday and went to the supermarket to pick up some odds and ends. Food is just not that interesting to me lately yet I can't seem to lose any weight.

Did manage to water the container garden. The only thing showing right now is the basil. Sigh. Well, at least it's something.

Continue to look for work and also office work, got some leads. We'll see how it goes. Have to be ruthless about what I want as no one seems to be handing out anything to me, gotta earn it my self. As usual.