Just got an email

From the writer/director kind of ducking out of the film festival where the film had been made an official selection.  The viewing is coming up in a week and the W/D is now messing with the transportation arrangements and how it would be expensive to attend the red carpet for the festival.  And also seems to be encouraging that the actors rely on each other for transportation although this was already set and done by the W/D in the first place.  So I'm like...whahhhht?

The W/D KNEW about this, way ahead of time and could have arranged for at least one actor to go to the screening and pay their way as far as handling transportation and attending the red carpet.  Maybe the W/D might have felt it wouldn't have been fair if all of the actors couldn't go, but my concern is this -- you submit a film to a festival that turns out to be pretty out of the way for all the actors perhaps save one besides the W/D.  The W/D has two cars and could finagle a third if the W/D at least pays for the gas for the third which belongs to one of the actors to entice him to bring people to attend and pay to see the screening later. 

Yet, there again seems to be no line of forethought, no foreshadowing.  There continues to be a lack of information and consideration.  Stuff that doesn't sit right or add up in a logical way just piles up.

I asked on a separate note about whether the W/D was still interested in doing a film project/idea we tossed back and forth.  And my friends are convinced the W/D is B.S.ing me and it's not going to go anywhere because it's possible I inadvertently hurt the W/D's feelings by writing a better version of a screen play the W/D presented to me.

The W/D is very much in love with what they put down and want every word and action kept exactly as they write it, the problem is it's not very dynamic and several scenes can be cut because it's quite frankly, extraneous and doesn't add anything important to the script.  I tried to pare it down and still have work to pare it down further, but the W/D admitted to liking what they saw in my version.  This became the sticking point for my friends who advise I stepped on the W/D's ego and most likely it won't get done, despite mine being the better written piece.

In any case, the month of May is about to come to a close and I am no where closer to getting anything done on this, and I was hoping to at least work on a trailer.  I wrote up, storyboarded, two versions of the teaser, and hope to film it shortly, like the next couple of weeks.  But of course, life calls -- I've got rent to pay, a phone bill to pare down and a cable/internet bill that's important to keep going as I electronically submit for acting gigs on a daily basis.  Oh and did I mention a phone bill?

I'm annoyed, a bit frustrated and trying not to get negative or down on myself.  I do not need to spiral into depression.  As I say, we will see.  I have it so clear in my head about the trailer, I just need the cooperation, time, and tape to film it and off we go.  An old camera, it is not completely digital, but uses a special tape.  I will have to figure this out or record it on a small bitty camera or rent one, it's gotta be done.

Having trouble sleeping.  Got a new script for another project that most likely won't see the light of day.  I'm getting annoyed.  Must stop typing.  Sun rising.  Did not sleep again tonight and my hair feels like a rat's nest.  Have things to do today but no audition and no acting work.  Not even BG work.  Sigh.  Must keep moving.  May go through my editing for the script or just try to get a couple hours sleep.  No bueno.

OMFG

I feel the level of frustration rising.  I have shooting pains in the back of my eyes, it alternates.  Why?  Because the film I was working on for over half a year and had gone through two cast changes with, has NOT been promoted as much as I think it should be.  It also does not look as polished as it should be.  The audio sucks in the teaser trailer that was FINALLY released the other day, and it features mostly one actor throughout.  The main character who appears from the beginning of the film and shows in the final scene as we fade out, is NOT as heavily featured and I show in one lone clip that is a throwaway shot, a quick cut in and out, and it's not even a good edit.

I've suggested film festivals and expressed my excitement on the film's completion and stayed with the positive feedback when the film's writer/director posted the film "poster", which looked like something a third grader did.  It just looks so...cheap.  Like there's no heart or thought in the process, like everything was done last minute within five seconds because someone was too busy or worse, too lazy or too cheap, to have someone else do it properly.

Even though I do not have a degree in graphic design, I know what's visually pleasing, what sets the composition in a picture or a poster.  I just felt it could be done better. 

I have to put my ego aside, because I noticed that one actor seems to get the most exposure out of this -- the first pictures posted on the movie's FB page featured this actor's face alone.  The theme continued into the trailer. 

I tell myself part of the lesson here is that ultimately I am not in creative control, I relinquish that when I work on other people's projects.  On the other hand, I don't recall the role of this actor being the lead or the focus of the film.  Perhaps the writer director felt otherwise, and is pushing this actor.

What surprises me is this actor was so resistant to the writer director, very passive aggressive and was very critical of the W/D.  And yet....here we are, with this actor getting the floor.  Interesting.

There are a couple of projects the W/D claims they want to do with me, but it's been slow going.  Meanwhile, they've found the time to punch out a five minute segment with two other actors and show it at some public function.  There were no invites to this, and seems to have been very low key at some bar.

As I observed other people promoting projects, I had asked if there would be a website for the film and have yet to see one.  There is no place to view this film's teaser, unless they go to the FB page.  And the trailer absolutely sucks.  It's not something I would show with any pride.  As I said, I barely appear and it's a showcase for one actor.

I'm not really sure what to do.  I have spread the word to check out the film, and I doubt a lot of them are going to make the trek to a place that is not readily available by public transportation anyway.  And the people I know don't have cars, we live in a city that doesn't really require a person to have one.

I'm disappointed, a little embarrassed, and want to continue to keep holding my head up and stay positive.

A part of me is like fuck it, it's not your pride and joy and the only one looking like an idiot is the W/D for putting this out unpolished.  But it did get picked up by a film festival.  So....maybe this actor carried the film so well that we only have this person to thank.  We will see.  Next month the film will have its official screening and we have a red carpet, my first!  I don't know WHAT I am going to wear!