There's a time for everything....now....when will it be MY time?

After finishing the latest nightmare of a temp gig, I found myself happily applying for BG work.  Yes, it's like a little over eight bucks an hour.  And the fact I would rather stand around in all kinds of weather for that kind of money instead of sitting in some artificially lit office with other miserable souls, should tell you something.  It certainly does to me.  I wish I could make more money, honestly I do.  I get tremendous satisfaction of doing a job well, and that goes for office work as well as BG.  Getting that check acknowledging my efforts, is lovely.  But that BG check means more to me than I can say.  That is what told me office life is not for me.  People in offices have their own ways to deal with time passing, and can reason their time away with having to focus on kids and a mortgage.  In other words.  Bills.  Well, bills will always be there, you pay one month and guess what, they are back the following month.  It doesn't matter, they will be with you until you leave this earth in death.  So....how to live your life or what of it you have left, is really up to you.

This week was quiet.  I got a go-see and no BG work.  Thankfully I have a promo gig tomorrow, which is as a brand ambassador, where I smile, greet the public, and hand out helpful leaflets or freebies, and inform anyone who cares to listen what product I'm promoting.  Sometimes it results in sales, sometimes it results in some lovely human interaction, and mostly it's just people shaking their head and saying "no thanks" and taking off, hurrying to wherever they have to go.

It's not the most exciting life but it's something that pays rather nicely per hour -- the only thing is I have to wait like 60 days before seeing any amount of it, even if it's only for $50.  Imagine, waiting two months to get a check for work you did.  It involves a lot of trust that this company will pay you, but don't, god forbid, get too intense and write in a month to inquire about your check.  No other job I know entails this kind of wait period.  Even BG pays within ten days of your working a day or two.

Strange.  In any case, I filed my taxes and this year I was really behind things, and waited til the day before to get the papers together and really focus on getting things filled out, computed, checked, then filed.  I decided to go the e-file route with TurboTax once I saw I would have to fill out several tax forms with the 1040 this year, and I would not be filing a 1040EZ this year due to my consulting gig ($100.00 produced two tax forms plus a tax computing sheet to "show my work" to the IRS) along with a couple of 1099's of different letters to also add on with the usual W-2's. 

At least I go to auditions now.  I get a callback and that was awesome.  Didn't get the gig, but hey, at least I got a callback.  It was for a commercial too, which was wow.  and everyone seemed really nice.

So...I ask myself.  WHEN will it be MY time?  I had fretted over my procrastinating with the tax deadline, I usually am very good to get things out by Valentine's Day.  I am too cheap to get someone to do my taxes, I reason, but this year was different.  Thank God for TurboTax.  It doublechecked my work and confirmed I would need to fill out the several tax sheets and did it for me for free.  All I had to pay was for the State version, which kicks my butt usually every year, but this year TT is saying I'm getting some money back.  Wowee that would be a first in quite a long damned time, I quip.  I again go I'm so cheap to have anyone do my taxes, I just don't trust confidential information like that to just give out to anybody.

K says it will be in two years.  And I will afford someone to do them for me so I don't have to worry anymore.  Damn, can I hold on that long?  K says it won't be long.  Very confident.  So very confident and proud of me.  I feel blessed.  And grateful.  At times.

And then...I dream.  Will I get there?  I dream of all the things that happened to me, some dreadful office jobs with jealous petty people who had no lives and didn't appreciate that I came in smiling every day.  Because I knew the office was only temporary, it was not going to be my life forever to the grave.  I would do things, travel, see places and people and things, and live a life.  Office life is fine, for a period of time, and then it's time to go.  Get fresh air, look around, explore.  Life's too short to stay in one place and stagnate.

I wonder.  And I continue to dream.  And I plan on my first directorial piece, my directorial debut, on a teaser/trailer I have written, and now may get a camera for.  I can't wait, it's gonna be exciting - weird how things fall into place.  When it's meant to be....and the time is right.  Now.